I've been dreaming about my dad a lot lately. They aren't nightmares and aren't anything horribly emotional. He's just there, smiling. I miss him a lot and yesterday was strange without him watching football and hollering with the guys. As I looked around the table after dinner, it struck me how much older we look. I don't know if it is all the things this year has put on us or if I just finally took a moment to really, really look at my family. My youngest niece is almost taller than me, the nephews have abandoned their video games for girlfriends, and my sisters and I have similar twinkle wrinkles. It made me wonder how long we'll all have to be together and it made me grateful for the time we have. I think my dad was with us, or his spirit was. (maybe that's what got my husband so excited about the game???) At any rate, I'm thankful for the time.
This post has been a difficult one to write. Like so many others, the pandemic has really thrown me into a loop and brought many unexpected and unwanted changes. I left my job of over 19 years in October. The stress, frustration, and unhappiness was too much and the negativity was seeping into my off-time and basically killed any motivation I had to write or make anything. Around that same time, my sister's breast cancer returned with a vengeance and destroyed the funny, loving, energetic woman I had always known and loved. She became a fragile shell and then she was gone. My heart was still raw when my mother, the rock of our family, died unexpectely on Friday. I'm stunned. Shocked. It makes no sense. She's gone. I'm not sure what the future holds for me. I've been working in the healthcare field and I'm happy with the job but life keeps telling me how short it is and I think I need to really listen this time.
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